Since I last wrote, we moved, we've settled, we've been through a hurricane and now our next major homeowner headache (uninsured and reckless driver plowing down our fence)... and all of this and more is why I'm finally sitting down - to pause, count my blessings, and say thank you. And then repeat this over and over again. Because sometimes I move even too fast for myself.
Two weeks ago was before Hurricane Harvey hit Texas. Two weeks ago I started getting restless, so I reached out to a former colleague, started job hunting and even applied to a job. Then Harvey hit. And we went into a bit of a panic at home (drainage issues thinking the house would potentially flood or take on a bit of water) - maybe silly, but we've never seen so much rain and also had never seen so much pooling in a yard! It all turned out fine, and we are grateful for all we have, and praying and sending love (and donations) to those whose homes and lives were turned upside-down from the storm.
Harvey felt like a wake up call, however, a reason to pause and rethink my restlessness. Am I really ready to go back to work full time, meaning put Analise in daycare at this moment? I realized quickly the answer to that is no. No, not yet for us. She is 6 months old and growing so well, but she still can't roll and she can only sit up on her own for 2 minutes at a time. She's pretty immobile and helpless, so I'm not ready to leave her in the care of someone else. I'm also still breastfeeding and absolutely loving it. When I went back to work last time and had to pump three times a day it was horrible, for both me and Analise. She refused the bottle and my milk supply dropped and it felt awful. I want to be here, with her, providing the love, attention and all the nutrients to her. Because we as a family can do this right now and we are so lucky to have this option, I want to make the most of it.
Then there's the feeling of restlessness. Am I really restless because I want to go back to a job, or am I just not putting my energy into the right things?... There it is. I do indeed want to stay at home right now with this sweet little Ana of mine. But, in order to make it work for me, I need to put more order and purpose to my days- maybe even some more planning, activities and organization. Potentially a part time job for now, something I can do from home while she naps and in the evenings. I also need to focus some more on me, my health, my mind (and as cheesy as it might sound) my soul.
As a new stay at home mom, I need to find my rhythm. Starting small, I'm working on better morning routines- up earlier, walks daily and healthy breakfast for both me and Analise (and Louie of course). Then either with the 2 hour morning nap or 2 hour afternoon naps I'll be incorporating a bit more yoga (meaning some, since I've been skimping), meditation, and reading. Small home projects, cleaning, cooking - all of that to fill in the gaps. Keeping busy for a purpose is what I need to focus on right now because home is where I ultimately want and feel the need to be right now. Perhaps a part time or consulting job will find its place into my life and routine soon, and that would be perfect.
Thanks for bearing with me as a just let out that little stream of consciousness that has been bouncing around in my brain waves. I'm still figuring this all out and processing by writing it out is helping. Right now isn't the time for me to go back to work full time- right now I'm taking the time to Pause, Take Stock, Say Thank You and Repeat.