If it doesn't serve you, let it go... This basically sums it up.
I signed up for the Austin half marathon in July. I did so for a few reasons:
- I thought it would be fun
- I thought it would motivate me to get back in shape postpartum
- While I don't love running, I hoped it would be a huge goal I would be get excited to conquer
I even wrote a whole blog post about it here.
I haven't really been keeping to my training schedule, but I had been keeping up my long runs. Last week I was up to 7 miles straight, I ran 10 minute pace miles and I didn't stop once. I was feeling pretty confident I could do this. The marathon is about 5 weeks out now.
But, none of the reasons I signed up ring true to me right now. The training isn't fun- its giving me more anxiety and stress to think about the race- and even planning my weekends around my long runs is stressful. And I'm not able to consistently run during the week, basically because I don't have a strong desire to. I'm not excited to get out and run- even though it has helped me carve out some much needed me-time. As a mom, and as I'm at home with our sweetheart Monday-Thursday alone while Kevin travels, this has been really important. I just don't have a desire to get out there and run- especially longer than 4-5 miles. I much rather be taking advantage of my me-time in other ways.
So on Friday I sat with myself and thought hard about what I want. Me, my soul, my gut. What is it telling me? Am I listening to my true nature? When I tuned in, I told me exactly what I needed to hear:
"Rebecca, quit now. Give yourself some grace and let yourself let this go. It is not serving your soul and it is not your path. You do not need to do this for anyone. You do not need to prove yourself to anyone or even to yourself. You are complete, you are full, you are amazing. Screw the 13.1 miles. It means nothing.
Instead, use that time you would be planning, preparing or running and give your soul and body what it truly craves... Yoga."
Bottom line, I needed to tune in. Once I did, it was completely clear. It always is.
So instead of my long runs on the weekend, I'm choosing to go to a yoga studio instead. This week it was amazing- it filled my soul and challenged my mind and body. And instead of worrying about when I will get my runs in during the week or stressing over skipping a run, I can roll out my mat in my room, do yoga, meditate and read while my little Analise sleeps.
I am not bowing out of the run completely, I think I'll switch my distance to a 5k. I do love the fun excitement of races, the energy and all the cheering. And a 5k or 10k is just perfect for me. I can run that without any more training, and no more stress on my mind or my knees :)
By simply coming back to my center and giving myself some grace, my heart has never been more happy nor my mind more at ease.
...oh and my new 2018 goals in place of the half marathon are - daily yoga and weekly hikes <3 Here is hike #2 from week #2 of the year: