I'm one of those "everything happens for a reason" people- not necessarily thinking everything is out of our control, but more so we can always learn something good from something challenging- or if we come up against a roadblock or obstacle, we are actually being directed toward a better path. So when I fail, my character and my beliefs are truly tested.
Thinking about it today, I've decided to not only look on the positive side of this failure, but to speak to myself as if I was my daughter. Give myself all the love and compassion and grace that I would give her if she had just failed. So here is what I would say to Ana, but instead, I'm saying it to me (over and over until it sinks in, until it sticks in my ribs):
Girlfriend, I hear you. I feel for you. I see you are disappointed, you feel like a failure. You extended yourself, put major work and energy into something you had high hopes for- and it didn't work out as you had hoped. You didn't get what you expected. That is no fun. In fact, yeah, that can really suck.
You feel upset, confused, annoyed, defeated. These emotions are okay, feel them and let them flow through you. It is okay to feel disappointed and even shed some tears if you need to- emotions are your energy in motion and girl, let it move.
But you must know, and you do know actually, that you are not a failure. You are amazing and you have wins and joys everyday. This detour is not you and does not define you. It did not happen to you, it happened for you. It happened for you to experience, to witness and from which to learn.
It is not easy to dust off the disappointment, but you've done it before and you've already begun to again- I can see it and feel it, and you can to. Take time to reflect, enjoy what you have, love on yourself and set your intentions even clearer, for the next opportunity - the right opportunity- is just around the corner.
You prayed for the right path, to be directed toward what you are meant to- and this is just a part of that prayer being answered. Say thank you, and keep going.
See, I'm already feeling better. We should all treat ourselves as we would our daughters, or our sisters, or our best friends.
If you're still reading at this point you might wonder what it was I failed at... well, it was a job I applied for and went through about 5 rounds of interviews and experiences over the past month. (Part of the reason I haven't had a second to stop and blog, or haven't taken the time). I wanted it, I thought it was perfect, it started in August, was flexible, work from home, in education, a non profit. It seemed right. Today I got the call I didn't get it. I was confused and upset. I was, in fact, more than qualified and I worked my a$$ off for it.... but it didn't turn out how I expected. Now, I see it wasn't right. And as much as I wanted to quickly dive back in to just applying for a million and one jobs, I'm listening to my gut and my heart and going to take a step back. Again.
Thanks for reading #nowitslikethis